You know when things happen for a reason, well this card is just that!
I had an hour to spare before the school run so I sat down to do a quick blog entry, then ……. total mental block ( and I know why, so stick with me!) Literally at the same second this card came through my door, it’s from a very close, good friend who I worked with nearly twenty years ago and thankfully we have kept in touch. She wrote inside “I saw this and thought of you, loving your blog and insta!” How lovely!!!! She will be reading this and she is a superstar, supporting me 100% on this sober journey of mine!
So the reason I had a mental block is because I haven’t had the best week. And I was undecided whether to bring this into my blogging world or not, but I suppose the card popping through my letterbox decided it for me! Basically to cut a long story short, last year I had a lump in my breast that needed investigating further, and the same has happened again this week. Luckily it was nothing to worry about last time and I am telling myself its nothing this time either, so fingers crossed all will be fine!
The reason why I am blogging about it is because I often talk about the highs being high and the lows being low when you don’t drink, and having to take the rough with the smooth. But at the same time being safe in the knowledge that what you are feeling are true feelings that haven’t been heightened or numbed with alcohol. This week is a perfect example of this.
Because I have been here before I don’t feel as stressed as last time, and I am trying to think of all the positive outcomes. The hardest thing for me is the waiting to find out what it is, my appointment isn’t until the week after next so it feels like ages off.
In the past this would be the perfect opportunity for me to drown out the waiting with a bottle of chardonnay every night and I would probably be making things much more dramatic than they need to be and feeling absolutely rubbish for the next two weeks. I would be thinking negatively from the outset and be constantly thinking about the worse case scenario. Plus the beer fear and hangovers making the whole situation a lot worse than it needed to be! I would then be talking myself into getting as healthy as possible and quitting drinking once I knew the outcome. So basically I would be in self destruct mode for two weeks, before I even knew if it was anything to worry about or not!
However the sober me has dealt with it much better. I’ve stuck to my normal routine of exercise and eating the best I can. Although twice I’ve given into McDonald’s mocha frappe this week (rehydration purposes in the heatwave!!!) And I am telling myself to stay calm until there is something to worry about. Yes the waiting isn’t great, but you know what I’ve got to deal with that, and with my eldest leaving primary school in two weeks I certainly have a lot to keep me busy!
So although I haven’t been very ‘badass’ this week and more like a wet lettuce, feeling emotional every five minutes, I hope by sharing this its helped someone stop reaching for the wine glass thinking it will help them feel better. I can’t name one situation or scenario now where drinking would benefit me or make me feel better, and I really mean that.
So whether your stressed with something or just have a lot on your plate and you would normally turn to drinking to ease the stress, just see what happens if you don’t? And just go through what your going through, maybe you will be surprised at the outcome!
And to anyone who is a sober warrior and going against the majority of drinkers this weekend, then you are definitely BADASS!!
Have a lovely, happy, healthy weekend!